Author Archives: Rob Tyler

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About Rob Tyler

Rob Tyler lives in a barn with a cat (named “Cat”) on 30 acres of scrubland and woods in Upstate New York - land of the Finger Lakes and grape pie and disease-bearing ticks. He wrote his first short story in fourth grade. It was well received and he rested on his laurels for the next 20 years. He eventually found his way back to writing for fun (short stories, flash fiction, and prose poems) and profit (a long career in marketing and technical writing). The profit part is over, but the fun continues. His writing tends toward the surreal, absurd, and weird, with the occasional nod to themes of love and loss, or vice versa. When he isn’t writing, he can be found digging rocks out of the ground and piling them nearby, pulling up knotweed by the roots, running his guts out in the hills of High Tor, or playing pool and drinking beer at the local watering hole. As they say, it’s all material.

Snag, Snip, Cauterize, Close

Dreamt I was going in for brain surgery. A sketchy clinic. The head doctor (so to speak) – a frazzled woman in a tailored suit – was dashing around the front office multitasking as she described the procedure. “Endoscopic. Snap, snip, cauterize, close. Nothing to it.” I didn’t want to sit in the ratty chairs in the waiting room and stood by as she wheeled a grumbling old man out the front door on a gurney, bumping into furniture on the way. I retreated to an adjoining room, where employees were eating and smoking. One of them had some kind of seizure and fell on to the coffee table, smashing it to pieces. The others laughed. “He’s always doing that,” they explained. I decided, with uncharacteristic resolution, that I was not comfortable having brain surgery in this kind of establishment, and walked out the door. A man followed me into the parking lot and threatened me with a cigar guillotine and wooden matches, and I punched his lights out. Woke up feeling refreshed.

Noise in the street

I went to the Party in the Park a few weeks ago and found myself in the middle of a crowd of misfits and artists and delinquents and tattooed mothers holding babies wearing ear protection and guys with leopard-print suits and perhaps misunderstood geniuses and war veterans with prosthetic legs and people of all color and all around us towers of industry and commerce echoing the funk of George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic and it seemed such a perfect peaceful way to stick it to the man, all us 99 percenters, myself included, making a noise impossible to ignore, rising up off the buildings, not conforming, not apologizing, not going away.

And then the next morning I drove to work and sat in my cube all day doing exactly what is expected of me, as usual.